i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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