How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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