smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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