I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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