Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
