Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
