i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize