i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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