Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
