So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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