i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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