After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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