And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sacagawea was the original milf.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
