were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
