apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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