I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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