I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is my gift to your gina
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
