I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize