she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
