just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
