Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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