I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
