I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
