apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
