she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
BRING THE BAGELS
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
