Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just found a bag of teeth...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
