The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it's like iHOP with fire
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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