I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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