He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
