they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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