Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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