dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
