she woke up with a sticky ear
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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