When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it's like iHOP with fire
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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