Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
