she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
