K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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