Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize