I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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