Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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