What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
