You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
FUCK WHALES
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
