Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
