I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Randomize
