? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize