Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
