Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
