unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
