Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
