i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
