Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
