My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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