she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
