It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
