sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
