Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
