I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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