everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
