His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
