remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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