the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize