Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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