his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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