So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
