His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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