oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
