I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize