Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
