so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
