so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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