You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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