oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
