So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize