Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
