you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
