I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
