so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
BRING THE BAGELS
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
