don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
