Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
