Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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