You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
