god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
