My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
