Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
