I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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