sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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