a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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