were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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