how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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