I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
