I have demons in me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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