My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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