im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
