You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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