First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
